thoughts and smiles.

last 9 months ... a-z

2011-01-26T10:18:00.000-08:00

being home is a funny thing. it's hard to come back and start from nothing, to re-establish yourself and know what to do. thinking about the last 9 months is a whirlwind, i can't really digest it all ... so this is a simplified version i started putting together for myself.

A
"Adelaide or bust" -- the name of our beloved car, a '94 mitsubishi magna wagon. she actually started off with the name "huey". maybe that's why the second day we had her, she refused to start. after renting bicycles, riding to the car store, riding back balancing a heavy car battery, installing it, it still not starting, and then getting help from a friendly local ... she started again. a rebirth, with a new name, zoe. unfortunately zoe died one more time (after she was broken into to top it off) and was renamed "adelaide or bust" ... with problems good ol' adelaide got us *almost* all over the lovely country of australia.

B
"Bats!" -- one of the most amazing sights we saw on the trip. while driving down from Brisbane to Sydney we stopped in the small, but beautiful town of Bellingen. we had some dinner, and then parked down by the river to have some tea. a family pulls up next to us, sits on the grass, and we hear the dad say. "it's about to start". next thing we know the sky is filled with hundreds and then thousands of fruit bats. it was amazing to see the sky black from bats, when not expecting it at all.

C
"Conor, Cass, Courtney, and (Kaye)" -- what an amazing family! in total they probably hosted us almost a third of the time of our trip!... not to mention, gave us a home and a family to spend christmas with. it was great to see an aussie christmas and get a glimpse of the meehan traditions. google "the snowman". it's life changing.

D
"Dusseldorf!" -- because it was a random and fun stop! the flight back from France to Thailand ended up having a 5 hour layover in Dusseldorf. just enough time to get into town have a few beers and sausages and make the flight back. we were instantly transported into a taste of german culture ... the beers were delicious and cheap. one tasted practically like coca-cola, and they served it with ice cream and biscuits... yum!

E
"elephants" -- one of the most "touristy" things we did was book an elephant trek. this included a elephant ride through the jungle, followed by a bath in the river. our elephant was hilarious! we are sitting in the river on our elephant. with a thai man in the water screaming commands at him. apparently, the thai man thinks tourists want the elephant to suck up water with its trunk and spray us repeatedly. our elephant wasn't having enough. the thai man is screaming at him and he just falls over (with us on his back) and i just remember thinking, "oh god, i'm about to get crushed by an elephant"... it happened twice before the man finally stopped yelling.

F
"Fromage song!" -- France was amazing, Marie's family was so welcoming and we were luck to spend time with them ... and lucky us got to meet a good deal of Camille's family as well for her mom's birthday celebration. apparently. at parties french people like to dress up like mice and sing about cheese, who knew?

G
"Guy Sebastian" -- randomly, i am in love with the first australian idol winner, guy sebastian. one of the goals of this trip was to celebrate the new year in a different country. while deciding what to do for new years' i nearly died when the paper said he was performing for free! a sort of excited of gasp was let from me out which prompted something along the lines of "are you okay?" from conor's mom. anyways, guy was adorable and new years' was lovely. paul ended the night with a sprained ankle?

H
"heights" -- Australia has at least a couple things that would never fly in the states, one of them being climbing trees. these are trees upwards of 100 meters (300 ft!) with little metal rods stuck in the sides that you are expected to use to climb up to the top. to their credit, there is some sort a half-assed mesh type thing which i guess might hold you in if you fall. it was amazing, but on the way down i was shaking and scared and SO happy to be back on solid ground.

I
"Ian" -- we met so many overwhelmingly friendly and generous people on the trip. Ian was a random guy we met on the bus, we ended up talking to him for a while, found out we were going to the same place, and he gave us his number in case we needed anything. well, the first time our car seized to start we called Ian (as well as brian murphy) ... to ask if he recommened any mechanics in the area. he answers by saying he knows a bit about cars and offers to come take a look at it. he spends an hour or so checking connections and fiddling with things and amazingly gets it to start! in addition, he left is with tools, jumper cables, etc. and a lovely dinner at his house. not to mention more help when we got a flat tire a couple days later.

J
"Jim the Mechanic" -- our second guardian angel when it comes to the car. Ian came to our aid the first time it died, and Jim came the second time. we needed to put new tires on the car and brought them over to goodyear to have them fitted, but they were closed so we went acorss the street and met Jim, an old, jolly italian. at first he said they didn't have time to do it (I saw him repeatedly turn down business) but his mechanic said he would do it anyway so we sat and talked with Jim while our tires got put on. we got along well and he invited us out to dinner, gave us a place to stay for a few nights, and did a full check-up on the car (all free) before we took it on our first road trip. it was an amazing random meeting at that - but when we got back into town the car refused to start a second time. we were ready to sell it, but called jim for advice. he set up a cheap tow for us, housed us again and put $500+ worth of work into our car for nothing. he was a great guy, and it was sad to say goodbye.

K
"Keith and Kristine" -- while working out in the middle of nowhere "shire" of Ravensthorpe we met the sweetest couple, Keith and Kristine. they invited us out to their property for the day, picked us up, fed us tea and homemade scones, took us on a drive through the local ranges, guided us on a bushwalk through their land, taught us about the local wildflowers, introduced us to their animals (we corraled kangaroos!) and shared some great conversation. they are currently buidling their dream house on the piece of land ... all the waiter is sustainably sourced and everything will be run on solar energy. they were incredibly warm and welcoming ... and meeting person after person like this was incredible refreshing.

L
"Laurent, Leila, Livia (Dom, Marek, and Ebba) -- the spent three weeks wwoofing at the hepburn retreat center/continental house (lovingly known as "conti") ... these people were our instant family. laurent and leila were from france, livia (our yoga teacher) from slovakia, ebba from switzerland, dom and marek locals, and zalan the leader of it all. the place is a vegan retreat on beautiful grounds with plants and food growing all over. we spent a couple hours a day working in the garden or working on the grounds, lots of peaceful painting and weed-whacking (what they would call whipper-snippering). every night we would have a lovely family dinner and it was an unforgettable experience to be in an environment that was so instanty accepting. as one particularly colorful local (peter saggitarius put it, "fusion without the con". think about it!
i have so many memories of this place, coming home and being surprised by luxurious massages from our resident masseuses laurent and dom, english lessons with the frenchies (we go to gangbang now?) this place was special, i thank cass so much for telling us about it!

M
"monkeys!" -- in Thailand we decided to make a pit stop in the toen of Lopburi on our way up to Chiang Mai. the town is famous for its gang of monkeys (apparently they have a half blind leader). we check into our room see a couple monkeys on the windowsill and think its pretty cool. after that we decide to take a walk. literally, we turn a corner and there are monkeys everywhere! on telephone wires, on the sidewalks, in the streets, like pigeons. they are weaving in and out of the traffic, jumping in and out of peoples' truck beds. one comes up behind us, rips the bag we're carrying, grabs our food and proceeds to eat in in front of us just out of reach. paul bends down to take a photo and next thing i know they are on his back!

N
"Nimbin" -- the pot capital of Australia. not being big smokers ourselves, we still couldn't resist this town after all we've heard about it. it was, for the most part, a pretty innocent experience. the local lawn bowling club basically ended up adopting us for the weekend. after checking out the town (and being offered goodies at leat 50 times) we decide to head to the local bar of the bowling club to check out their karaoke night. a big old, slightly dirty and belligerent fellow with a huge white beard comes up to us and asks us if we want to smoke. why not? after doing so, we find out this character is actually the owner of the bar! so, the owner of the bar smoked us out, and to add to that the security guard tried to buy weed off of us. next came the karaoke. i never though we'd end up singing, but of course we debut as a duet singing none other than "im yours". paul goes on to sing a jet song and for me - rihanna. what? we end up winning a free 6 pack! the next day we get invited out to bowl and join a bbq - friendly people, friendly town.

O
"Opera House" -- I really didn't expect to enjoy the opera house as much as I did - it's one of those pieces of architecture that's perfect to lie down in a park and just gaze at. (the eiffel tower is this way as well, but the opera house is just so interestingly designed). i think one of the great sites of thr trip was our first view of the opera house and sydney. we were staying in the nearby beach town of manly and took the ferry into sydney the very first time. you turn the corner in the boat and get this grand view of the city, the harbor, the bridge and the opera house. it's an overhwelming view, and provides one of those "holy shit, i'm in australia" moments.

P
"pies!" -- the aussies seem to love their pies and the like. our only real job in australia was working in a roadhouse. this is a gas station/"food" stall in the middle of nowhere. the food was ... something else. either it was frozen pies we baked, or some type of frozen thing which we first microwaved and then deep fried. to make it worse, it was a bp roadhouse we were working at right in the height of all the oil spill mess. the owners were overbearing and ridiculously anal (i felt like i was in an awkward tv show the majority of the time there) but it was an experience and we got paid (unlike our other job).

Q
"quokka" -- i assumes quokka was just the name of the australian paper in which we found our used surfboards and wetsuits, but it's really like the cutest animal ever! it's kind of like a kangaroo/cat/guinea pig ... in my opinion. sadly, after i realized what it was, i never saw one in real life.

R
"Rod Caddies" -- (of http://rodeofest.com.au/) ... Rod provided us with our first couchsurfing experience ever. he was an amazing host and so laid back ... i remember walking into an unlocked house with no one there and us just wondering if that was normal. Rod is one of the most laid back and generous people I've met. and to top it off, he's interesting as heck! he is a former ex-professional bull rider. a couple months ago he shattered his pelvis and is now taking to organizing hiw own rodeo events. he is trying to bring the rodeo out of the small rural towns and into big cities at cheap prices for families ... thanks to Rod I am also now randomly a published australian writer ... Rodeo magazine! we stayed with him and he helped us out during some tight times, and shared some good ol' aussie folk songs with us.

S
"sunset surf" -- I don't know what we would have done if we didn't surf. It was the one thing we could do in every town that always provided a great experience and didn't cost a thing! I've always been intrigued by sunset surfs but never seemed to get the timing right, until our very last surf in oz at manly beach near Sydney. the waves were perfect and everything was bathed in the most beautiful shades or orange, pink, purple and everything in between. we surfed for hours and were some of the last people out of the ocean. it was absolutely beautiful.

T
"Trat" -- a little random town we found ourselves in one night in Thailand. we had a beautiful room for about $3 a night and the most amazing night market right up the street. we had plate after plate of food and deserts for at the most 50 cents each. from Trat we took a ferry to Ko Chang island. i remember grabbing a raft form our beach bungalow and just floating on it in the ocean, looking at the outline of the island, and having trouble believing i was where i was in that moment. halfway across the world in one of the most beautiful and peaceful environments I'd ever experienced. our big island activity was renting a motorbike. we rode it all the way around, through the jungle, and through rocky dirt roads that the bike was surely not meant to handle. the most amazing sight was probably a black cobra. we turned a corner and he was there in the middle of the dirt path, perked up, neck flared out looking ready to attack. it was incredible to see it in person, luckily he retreated because i was too amazed to even feel like i was in danger.

U
"uni" -- out of all the weird things we ate, this was probably my favorite. fresh uni right out if the urchin, looks weird and feels weird but i thought it was quite good. a little salty a little sweet and a little rich. the weirdest thing we ate was expectedly in thailand. i had seen these little waffle type things on a stick and had been wanting to try them all day. so in the evening we had our dinner and went to get some for our sweets. i bet into it and its filled with ... hot dog.

V
"Vegemite" -- another one of my now favortie things I tried. for months I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. towards the end of the trip vegemite on toast with avocado was my absolute favorite breakfast. paul liked it with peanut butter??

W
"Wallaroo" -- one of our funnest weekends was spent in this town, somewhere we would have never went if it wasn't for yet another amazing person we met on the road. the second time we vistied Conor in adelaide he introduced us to his lovely Toby, who within five minutes of meeting us invited us up to his familie's home in Wallaroo for the weekend. his parents are the sweetest thing, they wake you up with hugs in the morning and the rest of his family there is just as friendly. we spent a day out on the boat, snorkeling and trying our best to catch all kinds of seafood. despite our catch we had beautiful fresh seafood to eat all weekend with wonderful company. we were there on halloween weekend, which apparently isn't a big australian holiday. what did we do? watch ghost - yes, the demi moore/patrick swayze ghost.

X
"x-rated" ... never mind

Y
"yoga" -- one of our funnest days on the road trip was in the hippie haven of byron bay. it started out with a 6am yoga class -- which inever thought we would have gotten up for. but it turned out to be one of my favorite classes i've taken, all for a measely $5. that set the tone for a great day. after that we ventured to the local farmer's market, had a surf in byron's beautiful blue waters, and then another yoga class (this time free!) ... something about yoga and surfing in the smae day makes me feel so good, twice a day yoga makes it even better, and all of that in australia makes it the best.

Z
"Zalan" -- Zalan, probably the most interesting person we met on the trip. he was the owner of our vegan wwoofing sanctuary, conti. he is a 62 year old fruitarian, with long dangly arms and legs and a long dangly rat-tail. for just eating fruit, he was always working non-stop. weeding in the garden, painting floors, hauling clippings, he was always moving and searching for him was a daily activity. one of the funnest memories was preparing the monthly raw foods banquet with him. his approach was different than any raw preparation i've done and i learned a lot. strictly into whole foods, he refuses to use salt, spices, even onion or garlic. oh, and prefers to use 3 ingredients or less in everything he makes. he definitely has his own way of doing everything, and i'll remember a lot of it. his food was delicious! i have endless stories about him ... one of those people i won't soon forget.

while trying to rebuild my life down here it's helpful to look back on the year like this and realize everything that happened ... anything i'm going through now was worth it. looking through this list, i realize just what an impact the people i met had on the experience. i remember before leaving someone telling me it would be the people we met that would be the most amazing -- and i didn't really think that would be as true as it turned out to be. i can definitely be shy when it comes to meeting new people -- but this trip has reaffirmed how many amazing and genrous people there are out there -- and that's probably one of the things i was most grateful to realize and take away from the whole experience. i think when traveling you're more alone and more likely to reach out to others and it turned out amazing every time -- one of my goals now that i'm back is to try and continue that in my day to day life.

<3

i've never been to 7/11 so often in my life...

2010-07-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

yes, a weird opening statement after close to three months of traveling and no update - but i can't get over it. i really believe 7/11 owns part of asia, it must. it's at least twice as worse as starbucks in the states ... but it's a reliable place to get toilet paper (i have not yet totally embraced the thai way of spraying myself clean - how do you know when you're done?)and water. that is another thing in itself, friends -- i have been going through so many plastic water bottles. ugh! i feel guilty but i don't really know how else to go ... you can't drink the tap, sometimes i see centers to fill up on filtered water for my kanteen but they are few and far in between -- and in this heat you can't risk it. any advice from any fellow travelers? asides from that it's a big shenanigan to just buy a bottle of water before they try to throw it in a plastic bag with a plastic straw ... and they look at you so strangely when you refuse!

but, other than that travels are going smooth enough. i've officially seen the biggest spider in my life, or should i say caught a glimpse of it before i closed and barricaded the bathroom door? or should i say before paul closed and barricaded the bathroom door as i was standing across the room next to the front door if it came to that. hopefully that's the end of those stories. the food has been great - strangely enough the weirdest thing i've eaten wasn't because of crazy ingredients or anything like that -- it was just plain weird. i thought i'd get a delicious smelling waffle for desert and i bite into it to find that it's filled with ... hot dog? eww.

there's so much to catch up on - and with a limited time to do it in, i can already feel the randomness of this passage growing and growing.

at the moment we are in a town called lopburi, famous pretty mcuh only for the fact that it is overrun by monkeys. apparently the monkey gang is lead by a half blind geezer, though i haven't had the pleasure of seeing him yet. it really is one of the strangest things i have ever seen - there are so many more than you would expect. this morning a monkey ran up behind us and grabbed half of our breakfast goodies and then proceded up the telephone pole to eat in in front of us out of our reach. yesterday paul was bending down to take a photo and before he knew it a monkey was on his head ... it's very surreal --

almost a weirder phenomenon than the elephants! how fun was that?! some of you have probably seen the photos but we did an adventure trek which included elephant riding, bathing and a camping trip to the waterfalls. such a beautiful couple of days - but so many mosquitoes. i was worried the elephant riding experience might be a sad one - but the elephants seemed happy tromping through the jungle and the river. i would have liked more interaction with them, the guides assume you always want to be riding them so you barely see their face -- but it was a great experience. very weird because you are thrown right in there and you just do it.

....

france! what a great month as well - marie was an amazing host, as i would have expected ... we saw so many beautiful places, met some wonderful people and ate SO much good food. i think the french food has officially captivated paul's heart ...

i will say this about france - apparently at parties they like to dress up like mice and sing about cheese? it's true, there is photographic proof.

...

the last couple weeks in australia were great and i'm starting to look forward to going back. we took a roadtrip through pretty much outback land -- very interesting camping and roughing it in the middle of nowhere ... and still i have seen the most beautiful beach of the trip there. our last week was spent with a couchsurfer (apparently an ex-pro bullrider of australia?) and his couchsurf-ees. it was amazing how quickly we all became so a close group.

...

somewhat of an update of a good amount of time - i know i'm missing tons of great stories. today we are on a train to phisanulok, and then to chiang mai. from there we fly to souther thailand, into phuket. then some of the crazy beach time will begin ...

at least, that's the plan ... we'll see how it actually goes.

<3

and so it goes ...

2010-05-03T18:57:00.001-07:00

in two days time we will have been in australia for two weeks.

two weeks away from home. two weeks away from friends and two weeks away from family. two weeks of not really knowing at all what is coming when we wake up in the morning.

and it's going to turn into nine months!

at the moment i am sitting on a great friend's couch after a day of wondering the city of adelaide. i've developed a routine here-- get up, pack away my sleeping bag, wonder down to the library to check email and keep connected, jump on the free 99c bus down to the central market to grab whatever looks good, fresh and cheap! the central market is an awesome gathering of produce, bread, cheese and food stalls from around adelaide. when the market isn't open (sundays and mondays) we resort to mediocre grocery stores and asian markets. i'm writing this on a monday night and am so excited for the market to be open again tomorrow after a weekend of eating mi-gorengs (a slightly better version of top ramen) and random grains (which we acquired earlier in the week from the market) with the only vegetable that ever seems to look appetizing, bok choy.

right now we are kind of in a state of flux. by now we should have definitely been off of conor's couch, happily picking fruit and raking in cash in the countryside. unfortunately, it didn't happen. we ventured 3 hours out into the country to find the farmers are having a horrible season and work is slim. we could stick it out at the hostel and wait around for possible jobs, but no one knows when they'll come, and we don't really have the money to afford that. so, long story short we are back on conor's floor. (thank goodness for him!)

this week is planned to be spent looking for any type of job we may be able to find back in the city, in the hopes of saving up some cash to get to france. in any case, this evening we've decided we're buying our one way tickets to france soon and then figuring it out from there. if work doesn't present itself this week, we plan on catching a ride to perth (western australia) and escaping to live more cheaply in thailand until france comes along in june. such an adventure, eh??

even with all the uncertainty the trip has been great. we've already petted koalas and kangaroos, surfed in australian waters, seen plentiful beaches and rivers, eaten vegemite and fish and chips on the beach, learned some about local culture (bogans), and like the rest of the country have become wrapped up in a little reality tv cooking show called masterchef.

i knew starting out that the actual trip that happened would be drastically different than what we had planned. seeing it actually beginning to happen (and so soon!) is exiciting but also a bit scary. here goes to seeing where we'll be nine months from now.

cheers!

clean slate.

2010-03-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

i'm hurdled into one of the few spots of free space in my studio right now. clothes and belongings are strewn about around me, my knees are blotched with white paint ... and i'm realizing how easy it is to escape reality.

i never thought it would be this easy, but all you gotta do is pack up and run away.

that's kind of what i feel like i'm up to with this trip -- a chance at amazing experiences and life lessons, but also a chance to get away. maybe i'm just being a little too reflective, while painting my blue walls back to white -- but it just seems like such a wiping free of life and responsibilities i'm creating, such a clean slate.

such simpliflying! i really am purging myself of everything superfluous that i own. extra clothes, unneeded indulgences, old books that someone else can now learn from ... etc etc etc... gone! it feels great to finally be forced to do this -- i am already looking forward to the simplified life i will have when i return!

one by one i feel that i am unraveling life's deceptions. there is no right or wrong way to live. i don't work anywhere close to five days a week, i don't have any money saved up -- yet i live by the beach in a community i love and i am going on a nine month trip ... things can begin to happen if you're willing to think outside the box and just figure out how to do it!

today ...

2010-02-06T16:01:00.001-08:00

... a woman at worked stopped me and said, "i have to ask you this. you seem so centered and relaxed. do you work towards being like this, do you meditate?".

it was an interesting question and gave me a little to think about. i don't really try to be anything. i think that i am naturally pretty laid back -- i can definitely get really excited about things, but never get too worked up. things don't really seem to get to me -- if you don't treat me well, you're not worth the time and i just don't deal with your issues. i don't really stress about it.

it was interesting actually being questioned about the way i act, rather than just being myself and doing it. things definitely get to me at work, dealing with the public, but today it was reinforced for me that everything is as big a deal or as little as you make it in your head. it was nice to hear from this woman that i may exude a calmness, and i was inspired to get in touch with that more.

i told her i have a lot of free time to myself, off of work, just to focus on life and being - which i think has a lot to do with my overall happiness ... but she didn't seem to take that as an answer. she replied, "just in general though, if you were in a stressful situation you wouldn't collapse, you would be gathered enough to deal with it."

i took our conversation as quite a compliment ... an observation from a stranger can be an interesting thing, what does this woman really know about me and how i will hold myself in a certain situation? but strangers many times have the most unbiased views of us ... i think they are important to take in every once in a while ...

a plan.

2010-01-27T10:47:00.000-08:00

throwing it out, in hopes that it may materialize.

the schemer is back at it again .... get me started and crazy things can happen.

i think that perhaps i am going thru my 'mid-twenties' crisis. in october i will have been at the co-op for 2 years ... which is freaking me out a little. that fact combined with a lust for adventure and inspiring new friends has lit a spark inside me ... so, now on to the plan.

i guess it started out as making a pact with friends to celebrate new years eve this year in australia. that led to opportunities to work there, which led to visiting a friend in france, which led to opportunities to volunteer/teach english which has always appealed to me. also, with my limited funds ..... combining all those into one huge trip to save money on flights/be able to fly at cheaper times led to this crazy solution.

ideally, i want to be in france the month of june. the easiest way i've found to do that would be to go to australia first (?) ... haha. a round-trip to australia (returning jan. 2011) is only $600! so: australia in may, work for a month (they have amazing looking work hostels that are super cheap and pay loads just to pick fruit outside in the sunshine!) ... and then use that money to buy a super expensive flight to france ... because that seems to be the only thing available. after that, in july i would like to head to thailand, find either a teaching job or a volunteer job. either one would be amazing. i figure that will last at least 4 months ... and then i could return back to australia, and work again for the majority of nov/dec ... all leading up to the great new years eve celebration that started this all off!

anyways, it sounds amazing to me. i believe i can make it work. and i hope i'm not one of those people who is all talk and doesn't actually make it happen. i hope i'm not, but i'm not sure yet.

wish me luck.

sigh ...

2010-01-26T11:27:00.000-08:00

blissed out.

2010-01-21T23:21:00.000-08:00

i have just experienced some the 7 most amazing days of my life.

an amazing friend is something to be so grateful for in any circumstance ... but to discover a new one from the first moment you meet them is really quite magical. to discover 2 or 3 or even more is a little overwhelming.

and to have 7 full days to just enjoy their pure, genuine company is one of the most amazing experiences you can ever have.

the first day hanging out with these people i witnessed a sight i have never seen before. while all bonding in the water on our boards i looked up to discover the sun with a full circle of a rainbow enclosing it. it was an amazing sight and now that i think of it so appropriate for the week. whatever path we are all on in our own lives we can always come together to create something so beautiful and so connected ... as beautiful as the different colored rings of the everlasting round rainbow circle i was lucky enough to see.

as i type i tear up, smile, and burst into laugher (into laugh, according to marie) while thinking about this week. it was definitely amazing in so many ways, i really felt that this week i no doubt experienced true bliss. watching a friend sing an amazing song, laughing until your face hurts, surfing all day, spooning, cooking, bonding ... making pacts. so utterly beautiful.

this last week has convinced me that although i'm not sure where i'm going that my life is on the right path. a friend posted a great quote:

"coincidences are life's way of teeling us we are on the perfect path".

and i think that is so amazing. the fact that i even got to meet some of these people blow my mind ... i can't imagine what life would be like without them after knowing them just a couple months, much less a couple days! we were meant to cross paths and it IS perfect.

this morning, thanks to my dear friend conor, i was able to make some important choices about where my life is going to go this year. i can't wait ... and i can't wait to make a beautiful rainbow circle again with all my new 'forever friends'.

love to you all so much.

happy year!

2010-01-08T20:59:00.000-08:00

2010 is coming along very nicely. i was blessed to be a part of one of the most amazing gatherings of my life on new years eve -- my heart still sings from it. it was very overwhelming in the most amazing way -- the company, the setting, the hugs!, the atmosphere, the music ... the sequins ... i could go on and on.

earlier today a good friend asked me what i'm up this new year and my answer was basically nothing. i don't know if it's a positive thing or not but right now i've decided that i'm happy just as i am. i embody simplicity right now: i'm working a couple days a week with good people, i have a ton of free time to surf, cook, hang with friends, take photos and start projects ... i don't know that i'm moving anywhere specifically, but i'm okay with that for the moment. it's challenging to just simply be happy i think. as silly as it sounds it's a struggle to just sit back and enjoy - without worrying about the future and progress and ... blah blah blah. it's strange, i've stopped pushing so hard for things to happen - but i think the positivity that's taking over is moving me along as much as ever. good things are swirling around in the atmosphere, on their way to me and my loved ones...

i love my new community, the sunsets of the new year have all been amazing, i have a new warm 4:3 wetsuit, i found disney scene it at the thrift store for $4, i painted my studio a lovely shade of blue, i'm coming up on 2 years presence with a lovely boy, i have photo and video and cooking projects galore (all for a good cause) ... to sum it up once again i'm overwhelmed with goodness ... and i'm sticking with that this year.

some realizations.

2009-10-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

there are some changes happening/coming this month. i realized a couple things and now that i have it's time to take some action.

i think people fall into the trap of defining themselves too fully by their jobs. a job is just a job - it is not your person. so --- i am avoiding that trap early on. i am moving away from my job, i am cutting my days to three a week and i am smiling.

next month paul and i are moving up to cardiff. i am beyond excited. whenever i am there i have a sense of happiness and peace - it's something i can't really explain. we were looking at places in the area around encinitas and leucadia as well - but for some reason they don't hold that same feeling for me. i'm following that gut feeling and i think it will pay off.

yesterday we spent the day up there and it was lovely. i surfed my best and smiled my best and watched the sun set so fast before my eyes ... and i could get used to that.

roadtrip extravaganza (in pictures).

2009-09-22T11:11:00.001-07:00

a trip of all trips. my mind was blown repeatedly by sights, sounds, friendship and gratitude.

it all started off with this little cake that could.

no fast food on this road trip! making guacamole in the parking lot of a random target in the random state of arizona.

perfecto!

flowers for the car, a must for any road trip.

it is confirmed over and over, arizona clouds are the best clouds!

stopped for a hike in sedona. a perfect glimps of the red rocks to come. this is not my picture, but our view was even better! we hiked up bell rock, known as a "vortex" created "not by wind or water, but from spiraling spiritual energy." amazing!

the next day in flagstaff we hiked through the lava river caves. an underground cave about a mile long created by lava flow though the city of flagstaff. it was the darkest dark and the quietest quiet i had ever experienced, until we were overrun by a field trip of 3rd graders .... what??!!! before i knew it they all believed we had survived down there for 3 days eating rocks.

that same day we drove to winslow, az for free camping and cliff diving! combined with the creepy underground caves it was definitely a day of braveness!

sunset romance.

road trip evidence starting to accumulate in the car. along with some lovely feet i was lucky to be accompanied by. thanks nat-times for capturing it!

before we knew it lovely lady micaela and the frenchwoman marie had us hostage in the back of their car. how lovely it was! i would love to be back there.
*fun fact: micaela provided me with my only shower of the trip ... love her!*

amazing group of people. miss them already, wish we had more time together ... and why am i the only one not looking in a group of 20+ ? )thanks rkop for this gem of a photo!)

of course ... the show of shows in the venue of venues. mraz at red rocks ... unbelievable. about the 30th time my mind was blown on this trip. (yay to murphy for this pic and the next!)

sold out!

dancing, dancing, dancing! (thx cheryl!)

ended up unplanned in vegas ... the view from our $13 hotel room!

7-7-7-!

we were definitely big winners this trip!

SO grateful.

you are not alone. (nor i)

2009-08-29T18:57:00.000-07:00

i get so worked up sometimes. worried about my where my life is taking me that i sometimes have trouble appreciating the present.

with every problem you come across you can always learn from others (we are not alone, we all go through the same problems) - these quotes have helped me greatly with the thoughts ive been struggling with lately.

"there is more to life than increasing its speed."
-gandhi
(there is no need to worry about the future - what is coming and how to get there! you will get there ... im sure of it).

"if a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
-thoreau
(we cannot compare ourselves to or look to others for happiness. we are all unique messes, and beautiful for it!)

....trying to keep positive ....

love.

overwhelmed.

2009-08-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

its been over a year since i last wrote in this blog.

its been a year since i moved to san diego.

its been probably about 5 years since i first found myself in ocean beach, simply by winding my way around the san diego freeways following the signs to "beaches". following the 8 all the way spit me out into the quirky but charming, peaceful and beautiful, but run down town of ob.

after a year of living here (i actually got myself here where i wanted to be) i feel like i should be appreciating it more. lately i hear numerous people advising me to "just be" but you have no idea how hard it is for me to do so. i cant be happy just being becuase i feel like i am settling with just what i have. this is my life and the last thing i want to do is settle. i work in a good, positive place ... but dread being there, i feel like im trapped when i am there. so burnt out. and i have no idea where my life is moving outside of that. i want to get out, i want to be young and explore and travel and get messy in that youth.

i dont know how to go about doing that. i dont have the money, and above all i dont know that i can do it alone -- paul is stuck here in school for at least another two years. its a horrible thing to feel like the person you love is holding you back - is keeping your life from being all that you want it to be. and on top of that one of the main reasons hes going through school is for me! because i want security in our future .... and my career path is definitely not shaping up to be a guarantee for that.

im overwhelmed - its so hard to deal with and definitely slowly taking its toll us. i'm ridden with little brerakdowns often and
i dont know how to deal with it all. its been taking a toll on my happiness for quite a while now ... i just dont want life to turn into something im unhappy with. that ive learned to settle with. in hopes that typing this well help me sort it out ---

hug a tree.

2008-05-17T15:02:00.001-07:00

nice and natural first post.